His mom uses her blog and Instagram as a place to celebrate his life and heal from their tremendous loss. It’s a loss too great for me to be able to type about without tears. I cannot imagine. I mean, CANNOT IMAGINE.
Anyway, ALL OF THAT (and tears) to say that this morning I saw a post of hers about wishing she could have one more pancake breakfast with her baby boy, and while I actually think I’m someone who naturally celebrates and appreciates the small things in life, her posts always TRIPLE this sentiment for me.
I was reading her post while waiting for a dollar drink from Sonic. (Our Sonic is the only one I know of that does this deal until 11am instead of 10am which delights me to no end– just a sidenote of happy for all Burg residents lol.)
The sun was coming in the car so nicely and the entire place was full of people getting drinks and food, etc., and so I decided instead of rushing back home for our lunch, we’d just chill in the car together for awhile. The nice Sonic girl even gave me a free water for June, and I brought her to the front with me where we proceeded to drink our drinks, do CHEERS! about a thousand times, talk about the people and dogs around us, wave to everyone, press the credit card buttons many, many times, use several “naa-kins” to “clean,” and just bond.
We totally just savored life and each other and the sun… all over the glory of Sonic ice, of course.
I’m actually crying describing what a seriously beautiful hour it was.
Yes, an hour.
We sat there in that stall for an entire hour.
June was never once bored with the novelty of the front seat and so many things to see and discuss and talk about. We danced to Taylor Swift’s “Shake It Off” and counted to ten and ordered a burger (or maybe two). We tickled each other and high fived and then did CHEERS with our drinks once more.
When the Sonic girls walked by, June shouted out “GIRL! TRAY! HEY!” and they smiled and waved.
I am so thankful June is healthy. I’m so thankful I can take an hour out of my day to just savor life with her.
I encourage you to follow Jacqui’s blog. It’s not easy reading what she’s going through. It’s actually really, really painful. It hurts my heart in a way few things can bring me pain, but it also brings about such a reminder of the precious, precious gift I’ve been given to love June Harbor.
Her pictures, her words, her blog…. they remind me how fragile life is and the honest truth that we might not have tomorrow with our babies.
I’ll never regret the hour we spent at Sonic today. In fact, I hardly doubt it will be the last time we talk and bond and dance to Taylor Swift with Sonic drinks in hand.
It’s my greatest honor to get to be her mom.
I’ve been in an especially defeated kind of mood since learning of our theft incident. Obviously because it’s annoying, but I think also because I’m just so sick of being sick and didn’t feel like I wanted to handle something so annoying on top of it all.
Which made me think I should put a FIRST TRIMESTER bumper sticker on my car to alert thefts it’s really not a good time to mess with me.
Anyway, I was just in an unfortunate and miserable kind of mood… until dinner with my two faves.
June requested we “pray” which wasn’t really the first thing on my mind but who am I to argue with that love bug, and so The Shippmate started this precious prayer with June’s little hands so tightly clasped and he prayed for The Usuals and then totally just killed me with this prayer for the person who stole our stuff!!!!
Which is obviously so adorable and Christ-like and sweet, but for some reason looking at serious Praying June and my favorite Shippmate, it just made me die laughing.
And then Ryan said, “And maybe he will even return our stuff” and as soon as he said “he,” we both exchanged a look since I love to keep things gender neutral around here and so he quickly added- “or she…” and the whole thing just had me crying I was laughing so hard.
Which was about 2 minutes after saying I wanted to physically harm someone.
I truly can’t think of a better summary of living with a first trimester woman.
Which is why I obviously need that dang bumper sticker.
OH and for everyone asking:
Yes, our car doors were unlocked.
Yes, I did take my new $3 chapstick out of my purse last night before leaving the $200+ gift cards because I didn’t want the aforementioned EOS lip balm to get too cold.
No, I’d rather you not point out how much I kind of deserved this.
Yes, we’ve learned our lesson and our car doors will now be locked nightly with no valuables left in the car, and I’m talking to Mrs. McCluskey about a neighborhood watch.
No, I still can’t believe they didn’t steal my Liane Moriarty book.
Yes, Ryan’s keys were in his ignition but according to the cop that I spoke to today “car thefts are trickier than swiping a quick purse.”
And no, we don’t live in Mayberry anymore, Aunt Bee, and I’m going to start trusting the world around me less.
Pioneer Woman released her very kissable gift she gave to Marlboro Man today over on her blog, so I figured today was the day I should do the same.
Plus, hundreds of you have been messaging me dying to know.
(By hundreds I-of course- mean tens of you, but who is really counting anyway?)
Okay, and seriously I was dying to tell you all when I posted on Facebook how I was so excited about this gift a couple of weeks ago, and I should have written it all out that very same day because well, Christmas happened and after many, many dinners in my very, very first trimester state I’m just now barely breathing again.
And to be quite honest, my participation in Ryan’s gift is partially to blame for starting my Christmas fatigue, but I’m getting ahead of myself.
Let me start at the very beginning.
As in some time earlier this year when The Shippmate was so very excited to hear The Black Keys would be back in Kansas City on December 21st. He told me as soon as he heard about the show that he had to go and asked me to ask around to my awesome cousins that often get us in free to such cool events.
So sometime last fall I asked, but these tickets weren’t quite in their realm of reach.
Then I kind of forgot about all of this until a couple of weeks before Christmas.
The Shippmate had been saying for at least a month before Christmas that what he got me was so awesome and how much I would love it so much, and so I knew the pressure was on.
Just about two weeks before Christmas, I re-remembered Ryan wanting to go to Black Keys and I also realized he’d been so busy lately and distracted with work and all of June’s hospital visits that he had completely forgotten about the show himself, so it would work so beautifully to surprise him with tickets!
This was going to be a great gift.
I thought of this while driving and when I got home I went to order the tickets from the very few tickets that were left to be found, and I realized I had somehow lost my credit card at Crown Center! I was so frustrated because I didn’t want to risk losing the tickets that were left, and I couldn’t really use Ryan’s card because he would see what I used it for! I even contemplated asking my brother and Bailey to borrow their card to order the tickets but I figured surely the tickets would still be there in the 24 hours the Citi Cards people assured me my new card would be delivered.
I went to bed so giddy about getting to surprise my Shippmate with something I KNEW he would love.
However, when I went to bed I was greeted by a stressed out Shippmate. While I had been dancing around at Crown Center all day with the fam seeing Santa and enjoying the train at Fritz’s, Ryan had came home from work to more hospital bills from June’s multiple tests, overnight stay, two ER visits, two different ambulance rides… and a partridge in a pear tree. Truly, those dang hospital bills still haven’t quit coming and throughout all of December they began to steal some of the joy of what normally is so fun to go to the mailbox to find Christmas cheer.
I could see the weight of it all on Ryan’s face and he was crunching numbers away on some new budgeting app he discovered and declared, “Okay- we can’t spend any more money this month, so seriously do NOT buy me anything. I don’t want anything– just don’t spend anything.”
And then it led to A Money Talk.
I trust we’re not the only people in world that have ever had one of these. They’re normally at about 11pm when we’re both tired and prompted by something awesome like a million hospital bills and end in me Googling “ways to save money” and then telling Ryan I found the answer to all stressors per an actual article that suggested when eating out to just take a few extra ketchup packets and use it to replenish your own ketchup bottle at home!
I don’t get how anyone could ever have money stress with that kind of solid advice.
No, but the talk actually went well in terms of we weren’t arguing but just discussing it all and in the scope of Money Talks, it was actually quite a great one, but it was NOT what one wants to hear on the eve of purchasing $200 tickets the next day!
On the one hand- I could still buy the tickets, because I KNEW Ryan really wanted to go and we technically had the money to do it.
But I felt like so much of the excitement of the gift would be lost on the fact Ryan is so selfless and hates spending money on himself EVER so he especially would be stressed to spend that much right now with everything going on.
And thus, I decided to get creative.
The Olivia Pope in me saw a problem and knew I needed to fix it.
Because I don’t have some secret off-shore account of secret cash to tap into for moments like this, I utilized what I do have at my disposal.
I did a little online research to find an email address to reach 96.5 The Buzz’s Lazlo. Lazlo is an afternoon DJ on the station hosting the concert, as well as The Shippmate’s favorite station.
Because The Shippmate and I often share a car, I’ve got to know Lazlo from his show over the past few years.
I actually feel like I know him pretty well, and I especially know enough about him to know that him and I? Oh, we’re about as opposite as they come. In many ways.
So I knew emailing him would be a challenge. This wasn’t my BFF Karen Kingsbury that I was emailing asking to be my MOH.
This was Lazlo.
I hope someone that is reading this knows him and his show to know just how awesome this all is lol.
As soon as I got June down for a nap that day, I went straight to my computer and started typing away. I was so careful and intentional with every aspect of the email, because honestly– I knew this was not going to be easy.
I really thought there was such a slim (like Slimfast– hahahaha, Buzz humor, I’m so cool) chance this would even work– likely he’d given all his tickets away or just wasn’t interested in some wife trying to get her husband stress-free tickets.
I did feel very proud of my email though– it was well-crafted to both speak to him in a way he’d listen while also not completely selling my soul. There’s a fine line between being persuasive and being manipulating and it’s one I have to be so careful not to flirt with, so I really wanted to know I was staying true to me with this request.
I’m kind of guessing you know how this story ends.
Not even two hours later, I have an email in my inbox saying Lazlo wants to help me make Ryan’s Christmas with two sweet tickets to the show!
The tears in my eyes wouldn’t stop.
The fact I got to sign a Christmas card– with Black Keys tickets in it–
Wifey, June, and Lazlo, too…
Oh, it delighted me to no end.
And all differences Lazlo and I might have aside, it seriously warmed my heart so much that he cared enough to make my Shippmate’s Christmas when he just as easily could have deleted that email and gone about his Church of Lazlo way.
(and please don’t let me seem so opposite of him that I don’t find things he say WAY FREAKING HILARIOUS, because I do)
When Ryan opened the card and saw the tickets, it was perfect– his face was first excited, then stressed as he said, “Erica- I didn’t want to spend…. wait, wait- why does this say ‘complimentary tickets’ … and from Lazlo!??!??”
And then his face was such a mixture of excited, impressed, amused, and so very merry about his gift!
So as much as I’ve tried to ignore it, find another reason, and pretend it’s not so- this pregnancy is kicking my butt.
I’m so elated to be pregnant that it’s my honor to feel this miserable which is why I think I’ve tried to ignore it, but dang– I can only pretend so long, people.
I hate not being 100% and especially with so much to do and enjoy during this time of year, but making a baby is THE. REAL. DEAL.
My list of things I’ve wanted to accomplish this holiday season is so far from complete… I’ve wanted to have people over. I’ve wanted to make some Christmas deliveries. I’ve tried three different times to go shopping for a few last things and keep not making it. I have three different blogs I’m dying to write. I want to take June to see the Santa at Bass Pro and lights in Lee’s Summit. I think I mentioned this in a recent blog, but getting June and I ready and loaded in the car literally has me so exhausted I almost want to unload us and just go back inside to go to bed. Except that would be more work, so I trek on and drive us to our destination singing millions of verses I make up to The Wheels On The Bus because June prefers me singing that song over anything we can find on the radio.
And don’t even get me started on our laundry piles. Or the lack of quality happening in the food department around here.
As I’m lying here on the couch feeling so far from wonderful, I still can’t help but look at these two working away in the kitchen and recognize what a very wonderful life it is…
My parents are unreal in their help and love– as in they hosted a sleepover for June last night that involved a bath, breakfast, and lots of books between the hours of 2 and 5am, and they acted like it was the best thing ever! They are amazing.
But my Shippmate. He’s seriously been everything lately and I can’t even begin to explain how well he loves me. Like I don’t have enough words nor the energy to list out everything he has done for me lately. He works so hard all day to only come home and work some more, and I am in pregnant lady hormonal tears over how lucky I really am.
I’m so tired, my back is killing me, I have acne that won’t quit, I think I’m experiencing “morning sickness” all day long, our house is a disaster and yet– I am sincerely so grateful.
June’s a few stories and a feeding away from bed, and I think I might just have to pop in “It’s A Wonderful Life” before an early bedtime. Because no one knows better than George that sometimes you have to look past the mess to not miss the wonderful.
It’s always fun to share a happy and a crappy from the day, so here’s mine.
But first– this game is exponentially more fun when there is participation, so please– share your own happy/crappy in the comments.
Okay, so my happy started super early in the day.
And by “super early,” I of course mean at the crack of 10:10am when June and I woke up. Moms of babies everywhere: DO NOT HATE ME. I have a baby in my belly that will SURELY not be a miracle baby like June and sleep basically whatever hours I would always want her to.
The only problem with June waking up after 10am would be the fact we have no groceries.
Honestly, this week has been so crazy (I feel like it’s only Tuesday) and we’ve barely been home and when I do get home, I am so exhausted that the single last thing I can fathom doing is getting in my cold car to go to the store to get the groceries we need, so it’s been a rather free for all in terms of food here in our kitchen this week. (read: pretty sure The Shippmate had peanut butter and crackers one night when we were gone, bless his soul)
On a slight anemic side note, it took me until tonight as I was sitting in the DQ drive thru ordering only a large cup of ice to realize that:
*MAJOR intense fatigue (like I get June and I dressed and ready to go somewhere and loaded in the car and just want to unload us and go back in and go to sleep but that would be more work that driving to our said destination lol)
*super chapped lips
AND THEN the ice craving that made me go all Olivia Pope to put it together to say: ANEMIC SWEET ANEMIC, Mama.
So that’s not the happy lol. Or the crappy.
Just an anemic side note that you were surely dying to know.
So June waking up at 10:10 meant that if we wanted to get McDonald’s breakfast (for yes, the second time this week- don’t mock me! I actually never eat McDonald’s FOOD – just their drinks- but I had a gift card earlier this week and decided to try their breakfast and thus when I woke up starving this morning decided we should try that again lol) … but to get their breakfast we have to be in that drive-thru and ordering before 10:30am. So Anemic Me and Baby June rush around, get enough dressed to be decent, load up in the new car seat, speed through town, and make it to the drive thru to order our Breakfast Platter at 10:29am!!!!!!
I was so excited.
I seriously thought THAT was The Happy of my day!!!!
The worker even said, “You made it just before we switched the menu!”
And June and I cheered.
In our pajamas, boots, and with very wild hair.
But the happy was still yet to come.
I get to the window to pay and the girl says, “You’re not going to believe this, but not only did you make it just in time, but the guy in front of you wanted to buy your breakfast! He said to tell you Merry Christmas!”
Honest to blog, I had to text a friend and say: SHOOT STRAIGHT WITH ME– AM I OR AM I NOT ON THE TRUMAN SHOW AND I AM TRUMAN!??!
Who does this happen to THIS often if they’re not Truman on The Truman Show!?!
So yeah, that was my happy.
Now for my crappy.
Which I feel like also fits very eerily into the idea I’m on The Truman Show.
Because what would the writers of the show do if Truman started to suspect something weird was going on….
They’d throw him a curveball that proved everyone wasn’t out to make life nice and neat and free for him.
You know like when you go to get your eyebrows waxed and your favorite esthetician accidentally drops hot wax on your eyelid.
And then tries to get it out by getting it all up in your eyelashes.
And then in trying to fix it all, uses a cotton ball that leaves cotton in your eyelashes for the remainder of the evening.
Yeah, so that was my crappy.
But really it wasn’t even that bad, because I left with a non-unibrow, so a little hot wax to the right eyelid was surely worth it.
So there you have it. My happy and my crappy with an anemic side story.
And I managed to successfully throw in an Olivia Pope reference because OH MY OLIVIA– getting sick earlier this week led to a complete Scandal binge and I don’t even know why I like that show because it scares me to death, it’s a little promiscuous, and the camera fluttering gets on my nerves, but I’m such a sucker for a strong female lead and political stuff, and I may or may not have pretended to be Olivia Pope telling her people what to do during an hour and a half drive I had in the car today.
All I was missing was a classy white suit.
Okay, me and my anemic ice eating self really need to get to bed and/or watch one quick Scandal now.
Do share your happy/crappy in the comments. I love a good distraction during the scary scenes of my show, so I’ll be checking in.
Good night, and in case I don’t see ya– good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!
(You had to know I was going to end with that.)
But in 30 years of time on this planet, I’ve noticed a pattern. Things that are supposed to be easy are NOT EASY for me!!?!???!?
Mostly things in one certain room of our home that I like to call THE KILL ME KITCHEN.
Like I can fail at things no one else in the world can.
It’s so bad that it’s almost impressive.
For example- EGGS.
I’m trying to eat two of them every morning because I’m pregnant and wanting to give this babe the best start to life before she’s 15 months and eating a forever old tater tot she found in her carseat and ravished like it was the best thing ever.
But I cannot figure them out.
And it’s so embarrassing.
Out of the last 9 mornings, only a couple of times have they been perfect.
This morning was not one of those lucky mornings.
First, I crack one open to find it’s still running or in my mind ALIVE AND I WANT TO NOW THROW UP AND NEVER EAT EGGS AGAIN.
Sick. Sick. Sick.
Yes, I threw it in the sink, but please don’t tell my Shippmate about those matches that he keeps saying I shouldn’t put in there.
So yeah, that is one extreme of my egg dilemma.
And then here’s what happens when I try to “fix” the issue:
Yes, overcorrecting is always bad, I know.
Trying to give your poppyseed size of a baby the best start to life is so dang tricky.
Because now instead of eating an awesome Bradley approved breakfast of hardboiled eggs, I’m eating a sugar cookie for breakfast.
PS: Please don’t waste anyone’s time by sending me a link to that blog about “how to make the perfect hardboiled egg” BECAUSE THAT HAS BEEN MY ROADMAP TO NOWHERE!
I started brainstorming for this Stocking Stuffer Edition somewhere between the good news of June’s EEG and the bad news of Black Friday. I even started this post and had high hopes to publish it in time for Cyber Monday, but well– life happened, and my mind was needed elsewhere.
And then tonight, I kind of wanted to write about all of the sweetness and crazy and details of OH MY GOSH I AM PREGNANT and everything that happened the day we found out, but I felt like shopping days aren’t getting any more abundant (16 days left!) so this post should take precedent. (But blog DEFINITELY coming soon about all things pregnancy and us finding out on the best day ever in our December 3rd!)
My initial thought was to only include items under $10 or so, but I snuck a few in that I either just absolutely love or that I thought might be close enough to the price of a work or friend actual gift exchange rather than just a stocking stuffer item.
1. The Wet Brush.
So, I hadn’t used a brush on my hair since middle school maybe? I only used a wide tooth pick and thought I was a hair superstar of a rule follower for doing so.
And then my favorite stylist told me about this Wet Brush.
A brush that would work on my masses of thick and curly hair when it’s wet?!?
Uhhhh, I was not buying it.
But then I did buy it, and I LOVE IT. It’s absolutely fabulous, and I’ve had the best hair days following this purchase, and I really think this brush is partially responsible.
I didn’t know this at the time, but they come in such fun colors, which I think would make it an even sweeter stocking stuffer, too!
I was a bit behind the rest of the world on this Evolution of Smooth goodness, but I caught up quickly because I love mine so much. I linked the exact one that is my favorite. Coconut Milk— come to mama! I actually seriously had to go find mine in my purse to apply just from writing about this, because I love this little EOS ball of sweetness so much.
Added bonus for moms with toddlers: June loves that the ball shape and pretty much everything about it really, and we might have played a game of catch with it in a church pew one Sunday. Hey– you do what you’ve gotta do.
3. Love Story Scentsy
I feel like buying someone else a scent related item is always tricky, but I cannot imagine a single soul that wouldn’t adore this smell. It’s not overpowering, and it’s just so so so good. Anytime I have this plugged in, people ALWAYS have to know what it is, because it’s that fabulous. I recently did a major Shippmate bedroom makeover, and after transforming our bedroom into a place of calm and romance and amazing (from what was more like a college dorm room– a guys’ one, at that) I decided to use my plug-in in our room, and this scent is absolutely bedroom perfection. It really might be my favorite love story.
4. My absolute favorite bronzer that isn’t bronze but rose-gold.
Okay, so I wanted everything on this list to stay under $10-ish, but I had to break my own policy for this, because I love it so much, and I’m sure there are people who spend more than $10 on stocking stuffers or just an actual gift idea for a friend. Or shoot– forget Christmas– buy this for yourself, because it’s fabulous. I got this when I was newly pregnant in January of 2013 (I remember this because it says it gives you a “glow” which I found fitting for that “pregnant glow” you’re also supposed to have lol) and I STILL have it, and I wear it everyday. Well, okay– everyday that I wear where makeup which is nowhere near everyday, but still– I’m impressed it is still kicking out powder for me! It’s less harsh than previous bronzers I’ve used and really does just give this rose-gold glow that I find absolutely perfect. On the rare occasion I’m in a hurry and forget to powder it on real quick, I always find myself thinking something looks “off” and then realize I forgot my glow!
OH- and June loves it, too lol. That’s probably because she loves the big fluffy brush I use to put it on and then tickle her nose with, but in case you were leery of my recommendation, take hers!
5. Make-up remover cloths
I’m so lazy at washing my face before bed (I know, I know– I’m aging my poor face 7 years overnight because of this or something that still isn’t convincing enough to make me do it everynight lol) but these fabulous guys greatly help motivate me! So really, if you’re giving someone like me this gift, you’re not just giving them the gift of make-up remover wipes, but also the gift of youth. That’s a stocking stuffer even Santa can’t deliver.
6. This awesome hand creme.
My mom gives me these from time to time, and they are the absolute best for keeping your hands unaware of the winter and frigid around them. This would be a fabulous stocking stuffer for anyone living in winter climates.
7. Pillow Stress-Relief Spray
A most thoughtful friend gifted this to me after I was fired, and oh my goodness, it was the best. And it’s still the best. I save it for special nights, and I just love the relaxing scent as I fall asleep. (The Shippmate is quite a bit less enthused by this pillow spraying excitement, so maybe save this one for the girls on your list only lol.)
8. My favorite mascara.
I go in spurts of loving and hating mascaras and this has been my go-to for quite some time. Thankyouverymuch, PT Twin, Eliza Payne! You’re the best.
9. Any of these little word blocks with special words from someone.
This is one Ryan gave me on June’s birthday, and it literally makes me smile every single day. I love that he picked that little thing out that means so much to me. If this is for a co-worker or a BFF, maybe pick words that are a bit more appropriate lol, which will not be hard because these things are everywhere and there are so many good ones. Every time I’m in Francesca’s or Gordman’s or anywhere with these, I could buy 13 for various different people I love.
10. A simple letter necklace
I think there is something so timeless and classic about these little necklaces. I like the idea of having a J for June, but if you’re buying for a friend with no kiddos, I think their first initial is also perfect.
11. Gift card for popcorn at the movie
I love a gift that is something I would not buy myself, and crazy overpriced movie popcorn is something that makes me cringe to buy, but I also so enjoy! So I think a gift card for the popcorn or even a popcorn/snack/drink combo if you’re really feeling generous would be such a fun gift.
12. Sonic gift card for guiltless Happy Hour bliss
This is pretty much self-explanatory. I adore a $5 gift card to Sonic, because that is 5 free trips to America’s favorite drive-in, baby! SCORE.
13. Last, but not least, is this little spoon holder guy that I find quite precious:
So this is the only item on the list that I don’t have and love, but I always think I need one when I’m making soup and fumbling around with where to put my spoon. I feel like this is great for someone who cooks and/or who is germ conscious, because I never know quite how I feel about just setting the spoon on the counter lol. And it’s cheap and fun and something most people probably wouldn’t buy on their own, and thus it screams STOCKING STUFFER PERFECTION!
That’s where I’m going to wrap this up.
Because well– you know I love the number 13, but also because it’s December and there is nothing I love more than some couch cuddling with my favorite Shippmate by Christmas tree light. Ah, it’s the best.
Happy Stocking Stuffing, friends!
All of this talk of stockings, and I just had to include a picture of ours– they’re from Pottery Barn and they’re from my Bobby. I love them so much, and I’m nearly in giddy disbelief that next year I’ll be sharing my middle spot with Baby June!
For six days straight, I’ve prayed a prayer that sounded like this…
Dear Jesus– I think something is wrong with June. It seems too weird to me she could have three seizures and focal slowing in the are that can cause seizures… so my prayer is for complete healing. I know You’re capable. I know You’re able. I also know You’re sovereign and it may not be in Your plan to heal her. I will still love You, believe in You, and praise You. But oh Jesus, if You do choose to heal her– the glory will be all Yours. There are so many people watching and following and I just see such an opportunity for the glory and praise to be all about YOU and YOUR HEALING and YOUR AMAZING LOVE. Let us merely be the messengers for the good news that is You through our Baby June. It’s in Your name we pray, Amen.
Every morning. All throughout the day. Every night.
I even asked The Shippmate at one point if it was okay to tell Jesus in what almost felt like a bargain– IF you heal her, YOU will get all the glory lol. I didn’t know if that was very holy of me, so I even apologized to Jesus if it was kind of annoying.
I tell you this prayer, friends, because I want there to be nothing confusing or unclear about the AMAZING news we heard today.
I give all of the glory, all of the credit, all of the praise to Jesus Christ.
I asked for prayers and you all straight up blew my ever loving socks off in the prayer department. I am so humbled, so in awe, so GRATEFUL– I just can’t. I can’t even articulate the joy in my heart right now. We have never felt so loved than we have these past few days. Hundreds upon hundreds of you– some we know and love dearly, others we barely know but still love dearly– you extended such obedient prayers and extravagant love upon on. We are working on the smallest token of our appreciation to show you all, but in the meantime, please know we are forever grateful for your love and kindness.
This morning was rough– Ryan and I were so stressed and worried and upset that things were just hard. One minute we were on our bedroom floor in tears praying together before waking up June, and the next we’re arguing getting everything loaded. I have to imagine that marital bliss is tricky in such circumstances, and I even text a friend on our drive that being annoyed at him felt like a welcome distraction from the real worry and aching on my heart about June.
As was this bear my mom and dad got for June. I kind of stole it for the majority of the car ride, because I needed some love from him, too:
June had to be up about 3 hours earlier than she normally is, and she handled that pretty well. She wasn’t able to go back to sleep on the car ride, but was content most of it and then when she wasn’t, her bear from Mammie and Pa was an IMMEDIATE gamechanger in the mood department!
For about the first 30 minutes we were in the hospital, June was very excited. She went on walks, waved to many doctors, and even scared a janitor with her precious “BOO!” He legitimately acted scared which made her laugh the cutest laugh!
But about 30 minutes in, she got restless and hungry and tired– none of which were easily remedied. It seemed like a million people had to come ask us the same questions and I honestly started to get a little impatient and just wanted them to start the process so it could be over.
We were also told by a radiology tech we wouldn’t get results for a WEEK! When Dr. Coffman had told us he would call us immediately. So that was stressful on top of the fact every emotion and worry was so present and heightened.
It was finally time for them to start the sedation— the IV went in beautifully, June’s nurse Heather was FABULOUS and had many toys and just a loving personality that communicated to me she absolutely understood the precious cargo of mine she was taking care of, and then we kissed her good-bye and watched as they wheeled her off.
And I was picturing it being bad.
Ryan and I made our way to the waiting room which actually turned out to be much LESS horrible that I had anticipated.
Something about knowing the whole thing was underway and going made me feel closer to peace with it all, and I was able to text several best friends, talk to my parents, and most importantly just be there with my Shippmate. The waiting room was really nice with tons of people watching to distract us, and we had about as good of a time in that room as I think anyone could have in our position. We laughed. We took some pictures. We prayed. And we just were there doing it together. I know that we are closer tonight after that hour long waiting room experience.
Which I will soon be getting printed on a certificate for the office I wish I had. Proud Mom moment, for sure lol.
I had that Junebug in my arms and feeding her in NO TIME. She looked so content in her bed just chilling with her nurse Heather, and I just felt proud. I felt elated just to see her, to hold her, to love on her, to feed her… I don’t care how weird you think it is I’m still breastfeeding my 15 month old– NOTHING MADE ME MORE HAPPY THAN TO COMFORT HER WITH HER FAVORITES RIGHT THEN.
Heather told us that she did wonderful and that immediately upon waking up, she looked up and said, “Hi!”
Oh, I have tears typing that out, because that is just so very June, and it makes me so thrilled and honored and GIDDY that I get to be HER MOM!
So something about the process where we just got to see her was such a huge high that I had to keep preparing myself that we weren’t out of this yet. I didn’t want to be too happy to only hear such hard news, because to be honest, I felt SO sure something was wrong. It just didn’t make sense to me how she could have that focal slowing AND seizures and they not be related… with the only chance of nothing being wrong meaning Jesus healed her.
June was quickly dismissed and when we said, “June- are you ready to go?” She looked around at her new fave Heather, her goldfish crackers, cartoons on the TV, million toys, and bubbles as their gift to her and said, “No.” Not like in a “NO NO” way but just real contently, “Nah- I’m good, guys.”
It killed me. She’s such a trooper.
She also was clearly VERY tired and we were warned the day would not be “normal” as it takes the sedation almost 24 hours to wear off. She couldn’t walk on her own and she was still pretty loopy.
We loaded up and prepared ourselves that we might not get to hear news today since the MRI ended up starting later and per that radiology tech’s info about it being a week until we heard the news.
On the walk to the car, I told Ryan that part of me wanted him to call immediately and parted of me didn’t want to pick up even when he did call.
We were just pulling out of our parking spot and about to start to exit the hospital parking lot, and my phone rings.
I answered it before the first ring was done, and within seconds of hearing the way Dr. Coffman greeted me, I KNEW JESUS HAD HEALED AND PROVIDED FOR MY BABY JUNE.
But when he actually said the words, “Her MRI looked absolutely perfect” I screamed and cried out in such an intense way that later Ryan said he wasn’t initially sure if I was upset or happy.
Which was fitting, because I was PAINFULLY happy.
I’ve never felt such a relief, such a joy, such a grateful in my heart in all of my life. Not even when June was born. Not even close really.
In just the few minutes from being loaded to us starting to leave, June was already sound asleep, so she totally missed our celebration as The Shippmate and I were just ELATED. So thankful to Jesus.
I emailed my parents and my mom called within seconds of receiving that email and was just as emotional as I was. I’ll never forget the emotion I heard in her voice, because it so much matched every emotion my own heart was feeling. But maybe times two being that she is MY mom. Gah. I can’t even imagine.
My tears wouldn’t stop. My heart was beating normal for the first time in days. My breathing felt like maybe I’d soon be in control of it again.
I haven’t stopped smiling. I can’t quit thanking Jesus. I can’t look at June without seeing the Jesus in her.
Let me end with what I wrote just minutes after that phone call to share with all of our precious prayer warriors on Facebook:
Oh and PS: June can’t stop praying and thanking Jesus either. I’ve seen her stop and pray at least 4 times this evening since being home including when I was washing all of the hospital off of her earlier:
Thank you, Jesus. We are so thankful.
I’ve received a lot of texts asking similar questions, so I’m going to attempt to answer everyone here.
I’ve been horrible at replying tonight.
I made Ryan’s fave in this Weeknight Lasagna Toss from Kraft Recipes, and it turned out to be a real hit with June, too. And then we did this:
Except it only looked like that for long enough for me to snap that picture, because June has never watched TV and doesn’t really know how, so it really looked more like this:
But in reference to my horrible lack of replies this evening– please know that I’ve read every text, and you checking in on us, asking how we’re doing, offering anything we need, requesting details for specific prayer… it’s all meant so much to me.
On that same token, I have over a hundred private messages on Facebook that I haven’t replied to. I’ve read every single one, and I’ve been so encouraged by your stories of hope and struggles, and I’ve been so thankful for your thoughtfulness in taking the time to message me. I want to reply to every single one, but it has been a whirlwind the last few days, and I just want you to know that I hate not replying but PLEASE trust that your message was read and so thankfully received.
Now for some details about tomorrow for specific prayers.
June can have nothing to eat or drink tomorrow morning upon waking up. This is not our norm, so please pray for her to be okay with this and have a content hour plus drive to the hospital.
June will be checked in at 8am and examined to make sure she is fever-free and good to go for the MRI and sedation. She has a cold that is much better than it was, but prayers that nothing will hinder them from being able to do the test tomorrow are appreciated.
After we know she is good to go, she will have to get an IV (which was a real struggle during our first ER visits back on November 7th) so I’m praying for a smoother time tomorrow morning. Through the IV, they will start the sedation meds.
We will get to be with her up until the point she is sedated and taken back for the 45 min to hour long MRI.
I’m crying thinking about this. I hate that she has to be sedated. I hate that I won’t be with her. I hate that she’ll be alone in some cold awful machine that I’ve never even experienced myself.
Whew. Deep breath.
Ryan and I will be in the waiting room clinging to each other and to Jesus begging Him for complete healing for our Baby June.
Dr. Coffman, our neurologist, has been exceptional. He was willing to come down and talk us through the results immediately after the MRI was over tomorrow, but we were able to get in sooner via the cancellation and we won’t be at the same location he is at tomorrow. So the initial plan was for him to call us between 5pm and 6pm tomorrow with the results. This had me a little concerned because if something is wrong, I want to talk to him in person and with Ryan, not over the phone. I made a few phone calls about this today and said we would be willing to drive straight from Children’s Mercy South to the plaza location and just wait to speak with him, but Dr. Coffman called me this evening with an even better plan. He made a note while we were talking in his phone for an alarm to go off tomorrow at 9:30am, and he will read the results on his computer and call me then. If all is good, he will tell us to get out of there and go praise Jesus all the way home (not his exact words lol) but if the MRI does show a difference in brain structure, he will have us come straight to his office where we can talk through what happens next.
It makes my stomach physically hurt thinking about it all.
I’ve not been great at relaxing and trusting God. I’ll own it. I’ve worried (which I know is not what Jesus wants me to do) and I’ve cried and I’ve been so stressed.
I have a face full of major breakouts to prove how not well I’ve handled this.
I’ve apologized to Jesus for not being better. I’ve told June I wish I was stronger.
I’ve both been elated we will be seen tomorrow and terrified that we will know what’s going on that soon, too.
No matter how not well I’ve handled it all, Jesus has never left my side. He’s been there to hear every prayer, every cry, and every anxious worry in this mama’s heart.
You don’t know how bad I want that MRI to be perfect tomorrow. I want it an unreal amount.
But if it’s not? I’m still going to love Jesus. I’m still going to trust Him. And I’m still going to praise Him.
Because ultimately? HE is the good news.
With that– I bid you good-night as I beg of your fervent prayers for my baby.