My Dyer-E

When Sending Christmas Cheer Makes Me Lose Mine

Hold the mistletoe– I’m going to just shoot straight with y’all for a second.

Somewhere in the Christmas card process, I always have a moment of wishing I wasn’t doing them.

Gasp.  Boo.  Baaaaah-humbug.

Okay, I just needed to get that off my chest.

I already feel better.

I mean I adore Christmas cards- I sprint to the mailbox this time of the year and I’m seriously so happy we do them, but yet– somewhere amidst the Office Depot battles, postage prices, and envelope licking, there comes a moment when I lose my Christmas spirit and have to curse at the process.

You know like when you call your local Office Depot to check the status of your order only to find out their printer is still broken.

Little bit of Christmas cheer diminishing, but no big deal– I’ll be in The Big City the next day, so I just call on to another Office Depot to give them my order.

Christmas cheer regained when they confirm they will “absolutely have it done by tomorrow at 3pm.”

Just because I’m no newbie to the pranks Office Depot likes to play on me, I even called this morning to CONFIRM we were all a go.

And we were.

Until I get there and stand right behind the sign that says: “ONLINE ORDER PICK UP HERE” for a good four minutes before a worker finally approaches me and says, “Do you need something?”

I explain that I’m here to pick up my online order while pointing to the sign above me.

She then laughs and explains she has no idea why that sign is there and I need to go somewhere else in the store.

Christmas cheer slightly dampened, but holding a smiling baby and thus keeping positive as I move to location number two.

I see a long line of people looking annoyed and feel a bit concerned, but then remember I called to confirm!  NOTHING CAN GO WRONG!  THIS IS GOING TO BE A POSITIVE EXPERIENCE!

And lo and behold, ONE HOUR LATER, I leave with my copies.

Ahhhh.  Let me just give you the highlight reel of that hour.

The less than friendly girl behind the counter tells me they can’t print my labels and it will be at least Thursday before they’re done.

I tell her of my confirmation call and travels from the Faraway Land of Warrensburg and that I’m actually not leaving without my copies. (Merry Christmas)

She looks slightly scared of me and my firm tone (Merry Merry Christmas) and goes to ask her even less friendly co-worker what to do with this Warrensburg traveler.

Meanwhile, this little old lady approaches me and looks at me in awe and says, “Wow- I didn’t even know you could tell them you’re not leaving without your copies right now. Are you really from Warrensburg?”

Hahahahaha.  She and I then bonded over Office Depot woes and the adorable of June.

As did everyone else in the line, which June was adoring and hamming up with giggles and smiles for all of the disgruntled customers just wanting their orders in time to spread the Christmas cheer you slowly lose while trying to send.

Because I didn’t plan on spending the entire 3 o’clock hour in Office Depot, I didn’t bring anything in with me for June, so yes- at one joyous point in our time there, she did spit up everywhere and because I had nothing, I decided to just catch that in my hand and put in my pocket.

I wish I was kidding and let that be a moment when Christmas cheer was QUICKLY fading.

photo 1
There was another highlight when an older man winked at me in the cutest way after watching me explain to the worker when you have “print current page,” it actually won’t print your entire order, but rather just the “current page,”  and laughing he says, “You’re really entertaining– you and your daughter both.”

I guess at that point I was spreading Christmas cheer even in my misery.

photo 3
Finally, we were handed labels and letters that were almost correct.

Meaning some of the labels are cut off, and while I like things to be done with excellence, there is just a point when you just tell the Office Depot girl, “Thank you for trying and we’re done now.”

The best part was when she started to add up my total, and I had to laugh and say, “I’m clearly not paying for those labels, right?”

(Which, for the record, after all we’d been through, I thought was considerably more polite than asking her to pay me for the hour long wait for 6 pages of labels.)

She said, “Yeah- I figured they should be free.  I hate this place, too.”

MERRRRRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL!

photo 2
The whole thing was actually so ridiculous that it became incredibly hilarious to me, and I found myself laughing all the way home (HO HO HO) and thus regaining Christmas cheer and actually looking forward to putting those cut off labels on my cards tomorrow.

(Some of you reading will be receiving one of those, and just know– I wish it wasn’t so!)

And for the record, things I do enjoy about the process include:  taking the pic with my family (especially this year), designing the card online (I LOVE this part), getting other people’s cards in the mail all season long, and writing the letter.

So, all in all, I’m glad we do it– I’m just not awesome enough to accomplish it all without somewhere in the process wishing I wasn’t doing it and cursing the blessed activity that is supposed to be all about sending cheer to people.

And yes, if you’re wondering, on more than one occasion this afternoon, I desperately wanted to go all Clark Griswold on the situation.

Merry Christmas.  Merry Christmas.  Merry Christmas.  (you know what goes here)  (and then here)  Happy Hannukah.

PS:  Also, don’t waste your time looking for coupons for postage stamps– they apparently don’t make those.

PPS:  I can’t even pretend I lick the envelopes.  That is The Shippmate’s lone role in this event, and I couldn’t be more thankful for his single part in the fun.

12.18.13

8 Responses to When Sending Christmas Cheer Makes Me Lose Mine

  1. Marissa Connolly

    You crack me up! A merry Christmas indeed :)

  2. Angela Trimble Hunter

    Oh my goodness! I AM CRACKING UP!!!!

  3. Heather Fritter Vestal

    Welcome to the “That just happened in my hand and I had no choice but to put it in my pocket or wipe it on my shirt” club. Member since 2001. Spit up is just the initiation;)

  4. Donna Bennett

    Merry Christmas! I applaud your effort and perseverance in sending your Christmas cards:) Just want to suggest using a glue stick to seal your envelopes. I can’t stand the thought of anyone licking one of those!

  5. Jennifer Dugan

    You’re not the only one sister. I use shutterfly though and would highly recommend them for less stress :)

  6. Ryan Shippy

    It’s hard spreading all of that holiday cheer…

  7. Catharine Zeller

    …or a damp cloth/sponge. I thought you were joking about licking all your christmas card envelopes but now i’m worried.

  8. Shelly Withrow

    LIKE! Especially the pocket confession. You know you’re a mom when…

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